#26 Pub

Ah, I'm sad. Sad for a happy reason.


I have to say goodbye now... but my heart refuses.



I'm just,... sad.

:'(

Things are going to be different. I hope I have the strength to overcome this. To be honest, I know I can do this but I just am reluctant to accept the facts. It REALLY is goodbye this time.

This is why getting attached to a person sucks. This is why I'm always trying to not let my guard down, just in case something like this happens.

It's happening.

Those lunches, jogging sessions, breakfast treats, KP sessions, outings, mini trips, snatching for newspapers, scrap-booking and all. Buh-bye.

This one's a tough bitter pill to swallow.

I'll miss you all so. Even more when I get there.

Optimism, do befriend me.

#25 Your Song

Heading down to N9 in the morning. Will come back with more tales to tell, and prolly more kilos to weigh me down. :) Rufus is preparing a feast. HAHAHAHAHAH!

Hmmn, a small question before I get outta here. Have I changed?

People are telling me now that I'm different from what I used to be. From my music, my wardrobe (REALLY? -.- because I have the same clothes I had two years ago. no kidding! reason being- I don't grow. shuccckssss) to the the way I speak.

I haven't felt different. I still am me somewhere deep down. I know it, just cause.

#25 Vulnerable

Faizin:
I am SPM 2010 leavers and got straight A’s and was offered scholarship by MARA. I applied for Islamic Banking(which is very demanded right now), yet MARA still gave me scholarship to do medicine in overseas. About the parents, of course they wanted me to just take the scholarship and do the medicine. But I had become a pessimist with doctors since I am in form 4. For me, why all the top students wants to do medicine anyway? I am an SBP students. And when I asked my friends, almost 70% of them wants to become a doctor. I know they are smart. But IQ alone isn’t enough to become a doctor.
When I promoted your articles to them, they think I am jealous of them and tried to provoke them. Man, I’m also was offered to do medicine in overseas. Why should I be jealous to them?
And many of them doesn’t really have the passion to do medics anyway. Most of the SBP students wants to do medicine because of they are SMART. Yeah, this is the most relevant reason. And, doctors is the most prestige job ever for us, the straight A’s. I mean, did you ever seen the straight A’s take so-called-low courses like hotel management? None, right?? Talking about ego and proud.
Sometimes this so-called-low courses that become the money-maker right now.
A doctor once said to me,
” A smart one does not become a doctor. A smart one do business and they succeed and become rich. That’s the smart one.”
Like you had said before, at the end, we all talk about money. And doctors not supposed to be a money-maker carrier.
The message I want to give to the people out there, you don’t have to do medics just because you are smart. If you are smart, you will succeed in any fields anyway.

Pagalavan Letchumana:

Well Said! I would blame the education system as our education system do not expose the students to the various opportunities that lies ahead. Many students only knows about doctor, engineer and lawyer! That’s all. As you said, all top students only wants to become a doctor because they think that that is the highest job for their intelligency but I can prove them wrong. It is all about money and prestige, that’s it. I am sure many of them will only realise what medicine is all about after they graduate.
MARA has another perculiar way of giving scholarship. I was told that MARA will decide for the students on what they should do. Even for medicine, the drop out rate for MARA sponsored students worldwide is about 30%!!
I think you should procede with “Islamic banking” as the money now is in this sectors. Actuarist, finance and network engineers are hot in demand nowadays

---

Well said. In times like these, reading such comments (abt Perdana's RCSI Programme) makes me think twice about what I really want. As for now, I might not have to decide, but there may come a time when I have to. May. I don't even know what's best for me anymore these days. It makes me boil with rage whenever I heard snide remarks about what I'm about to embark on. Yet, I am as confused as a child.

The Mader says "Stop listening to what everyone's saying and what others tell you each time! Someone tells you this, you listen and then you follow. Someone else comes along and tell you another and you start to waver!"

Hypocrite. I think she's just the same as I am.

In the end, I can only listen to her and no one else.

Pathetic much. No, not her, myself; with a capital P. I might as well just admit what I refuse to admit all this while.


I am scared. Shitty scared of tomorrow.

Why?

Because of the endless possibilities what tomorrow may bring.

 And because of what I would become, of a person.

#25 Late Night

Time's flying by. I'm getting by. Guess the answer's written all over my face.

;)

Good times are bound to come to an end. Two weeks left and it's medical school for me (unless i magically manage to scrap past the PU-RCSI programme, then it's three weeks hohoho) in USM.


At times, I do question if this journey (the whole idea about going off to medical school and living my life a never ending (medical)marathon) I'm about to embark on is what I really want in life. There's obviously the pro and cons, yet, this little voice in my head tells me I'll get by. Either it's the inner voice or its me, with my usual obstinate self, refusing to believe that I am unable to do what others are capable of.


and I choose to believe I can.

Faith and hope will never fail a person.

Random bokeh shot from Levi's car.

Oh, and a small note; I've been trying out new things with the baby. Trying to improve, repeat: TRYING ;)

Ah, and a friend (well, I considered him a friend) managed to piss me off with merely ONE sentence yesterday. I actually felt offended for once and I'm not the type who gets offended THAT easily. Jokes, yes, i can put up with a joke or two (provided if it's funny, of course. Malicious ones I can still take, with a virtual stab maybe)- but what he said was just offensive. Plain offensive.

Completely ruined my fantastic day out with the girls for a whole minute. Yes, a whole minute... obviously not my day.


Today, I wonder if I am overreacting?

The answer's still the same: No, I don't think so. He ought to know the impact of what he said. I can put up with things but that doesn't mean EVERYTHING; but however it is, I did gave him a piece of my mind. It's not me to sit there, have my mouth shut, laugh along and take it all in. Heck, no.


Ending things on a brighter note, Hammie got her scholarship from Tanjung! :D I'm so very proud of her. She deserved it badly imo. We're all happy for her here in this household. If screaming 'Omaigod!!!!  Omaigod!!!!!!!!!!' and literally jumping up and down in Pavilion does the trick, I'll do it for her any other day. So very happy for you Hammie! :D I bet Tanjung saw the real you and thought, "Hey, whattheheck, she's exactly what we were looking for!" and tadaa! Scholarship at her doorstep! HAHAHAHA!

:D

Congrats again!

#24 Missing Pieces

Why is it always my problem? Why is it always me that's picked on? Is it wrong for me to use whatever that belongs to me?

Sometimes I wonder why you're throwing fits of anger at me. Like, seriously. What about them two? What about them?

They consume more than i do. They use more than i do, what belongs to you.

So what are they?




I really wonder sometimes. Maybe being away all the time isn't so bad after all. At least i know I'm spare from the anger and rejection i face whenever you start throwing tantrums and fits at me.

I wish I'm more worthy. You all make me feel this way. It's you all out there.

#23 Masks

Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever be honest with me?

You refuse to admit what your heart already knows just because your mind tells you otherwise. You ponder and question yet receive the same answer in return.


Each time, it's over the same issue.


But still, you picked him over the rest. It's not that i hate you for acting so but it's just a painful process to go through. I've had my honesty doubted- which I, sad to say, am still harboring hatred over, just because you think you know me better. I repeat, THINK. So really, when will I get to see the real you?

I have my principles. I have my dignity. 
I really wish to know which bit of you is true? Will I see it tomorrow? Ten years to come? Or never?

Seriously, I'm not a second choice. That, I wish to tell you in your face (sometimes)!

#22 Clown Feet

Today was a great day :D

I like today.

HAHAHAAHHAA CAUSE WE'RE COOL LIKE THAT B)